I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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