Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
