Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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