fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
