It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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