so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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