That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
