There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
