Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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