and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
high people should be assigned attendants
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
