How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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