Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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