Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
