She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
