Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
