In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
