You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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