Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
