An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
