this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
