I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
