i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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