I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
