Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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