meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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