fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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