I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
