I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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