Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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