after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
