some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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