I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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