I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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