If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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