I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
