paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Duck Duck Cougar?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
