i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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