The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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