I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
