:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
