I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
