8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
