and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
