I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
