I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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