I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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