I just saw a hot homeless man
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Fuck appropriateness.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
