I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
