Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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