i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
