The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
