you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
