Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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