I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
