he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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