1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
